Sabtu, 27 Februari 2016

The Book Of Questions #1

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Have you ever disliked someone for being luckier or more successful than you?

Yes, I have. Honestly, I do it quite often, consciously and unconsciously. I always think it is the source of all my lack of self-confidence, my self-hatred. But it's not like I dislike them for being born-rich, or beautiful, or ridiculously smart. Most of the time I envy them who are so damn good at socializing, without first thinking, 'What should I say?', 'How can I impress them?', 'Do I look good?', 'Do I smell nice?', 'Have I learned this topic? Will I be able to blend in the conversation?'

I consider those type of people as lucky and have nearly 100%  chance to be more successful than me.

If you could place yourself anywhere on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is having security and comfort ad goals within easy reach, and 10 is taking risks, struggling, and reaching for great achievement, what would you like to be at, and why? Where are you now?
To be honest I am a person who worship comfort. I never say no to my lovely fellow; stay in bed in rainy days, covered in warm soft blanket, reading, binge watching, eat snacks like once in five minutes, or stay in an air-conditioned room in a hot sunny day. But between those times I really want to get up and just do something productive, even in most times it only happens in my head. But trust me, I have been on those situations where nothing goes right, doing everything I could to save my team, endless filming and editing, surprised by an ability that I'd never imagined I can do before (like interviewing people, public speaking and stuff). They were hard but fun times! 
I always wanted to comeback to those times, but unfortunately I am now in a very particular situation where I have to stay calm and focus to do one specific things. You know..

I'd say I want to be at 7 or 8, but I'm now in 5, perhaps.

Is there anything in your life too personal to discuss with others? If so, have you ever made the mistake of trying? What happened?
Religion. Faith. Belief. I somehow always feel this is something crucial to discuss about, even to your closest companion (Uztadz and extremely religious people might be another story). And yes, I once messed up trying to discuss-- no, more like debate-- this topic to someone I did not particularly recognize. By this I mean acquaintance. We ended up questioning each other's point of view, I guess.

Do you believe in God? If not, do you think you might nonetheless pray if you were in a life-threatening situation?
Yes, I do. It's just my humble opinion, but I think someone will naturally think of his God and ask for His help when he has none to rely on in that kind of situation.

Of all the people close to you, whose death would disturb you most?
It would be my Dad's death. My dad is one of the closest person in my life, yet sometimes he's too far away within my reach. We barely talk, but when we talk it's way deeper than any other talk I have with other people. I rarely see him around, he's too busy doing that being there. In his busiest weeks, I sometimes can only see him once in a week, only couple hours for him to take some rest and pack up his new clean clothes and then leave to another town. 
But don't get me wrong, I do not and will never ever hate him for being so. It's not the greatest feeling ever to write this, but I was never be with him too long in one time since the very first place. .and it's not something bad. He's always away from me since I was a kid. 
I adore so many things in my dad's life. Among them is his ability to make a good comeback, one best in his each. In the early years of my life, he worked in Palembang. He visited Jakarta several times a year, and he never missed bringing me home the most delicious Pempek in the whole universe. As a kid I was fascinated by the endless 'kuah habis, tambah. pempek habis, kuah masih sisa, tambah lagi'. It was the best definition of wealth. Even after we moved to Makassar up until now he's still the same busy guy, visiting different cities and countries, thousand hours up in the air and down on the road. And when he's home, he listens to good ol' music with his wife, watches cartoon with his little girls, oversleep with his favorite books on his face in his room.
Those qualities in him, which I will not experience again after his death, will disturb me like hell. Cause I know there will no any other comebacks.

Recently I decided to write more. I did not know since when but I rarely write no more. It all started when one time I looked at some of my old photos (like three to two years ago) and I realized I was a different person. My old me looks so happy, deep skin beauty. I don't know what I've been through to now, I just know that I'm less happy than I used to be. So... I decided to write. I know it wont automatically makes me happy again, but I hope to find some reflections, otherwise I could find out what's missed in my current self. Or constructing my future self. Or just simply paying more attention to things and people around me, which probably I don't pay much attention to. 

Besides, I can also practice my English writing he he. Those questions above are from The Book Of Questions by Gregory Stock. The book contains only questions, a very deceptively simple tool for self-discovery. 

The best questions are the ones you can't Google. Here is a whole book of them.
-Austin Kleon, author of Steal Like an Artist. 

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